Today I want to talk about lies.  You know the kind of little untruths that as a parent you use to keep things happy and ok with your kids.  On the left is a lovely little afghan/baby blanket that a dear friend recently gave to us as a gift for Marissa.  A rather funny tale could be told of how it got to us being delivered to the wrong house and all...but that is not the story for today.  You see this sensitive friend also sent along a gift of lovely books for Mark so that he would not be left out.  Of course he was thrilled with the books, however upon seeing Marissa in her chair cuddled into her new blanket he was wanting to know if he also had gotten a blanket from said friend!  I do remember that we did get a gift from them at the baby shower prior to Mark's arrival, however I am pretty sure that it was not a blanket like this beautiful piece of work.  Now, I could simply say that "No, I do not think she made you a blanket"...which would have resulted in a dramatic response of upset and tears or as you can see I could simply produce a blanket of equal beauty with the little white lie of "Yes she made you one too...Mommy will go get it!"  Thus on the right you will see a lovely blanket made by a loving unknown stranger who made it for someone else's son, who then found its way to the Thrift store three years ago, where I gazed at it and for two dollars felt that it needed to come home with me! How could I know that years later this little blanket would result in a drama being averted.  Now when you look up the word "lie" in the dictionary it says "a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive, intentional untruth; a falsehood".  So as a Mother am I wrong to shield my son from the disappointment of being told that he did not have a blanket made for him?  I have always prided myself in being honest...so much so, that I have been referred to as "brutally honest".  The urban dictionary meaning of "brutally honest" defines this as being "honest without regard to hurting the person's feelings".  I guess that I can no longer be referred to as being that way as I clearly wanted to avoid hurting my son's feelings by the telling of this little white lie.  So how far do you go?  Do you speak lies or tell lies by omission of truth?  Is this a slippery slope of lies to be told?  I am capturing this thought on the blog so that I never forget that sometimes little white lies will get you out of an uncomfortable situation but at what cost?  How often are telling little white lies justified?  When has it gone too far or having been used once too often or used in huge issues where lies are changing family history?  What about these big issues?  How long should one let omissions of information carry on?  In adoption, you are sensitive to telling the truth about your child's history to them.  Open discussion allows them to know that it is ok and safe to ask questions.  What you know, what you have been told and what you think may be the truth surrounding the circumstances of their early days must be clearly defined as known truth, hearsay stories and speculation.  Adult adoptees have made  it more than clear that they expect the truth from their adoptive parents.  When they have lost so much of their heritage, their culture, their birth family's history, telling them the truth about their lives is the least that you can give them.  It is essential in a relationship of trust!  Some truths may be difficult to explain to children, however keeping it simple allows for further dialogue later in life when they can comprehend more.  So Mark and Marissa I will tell you all that I know, all that I have been told and all that I think may have been happening to you prior to your lives with us here.  There will be no secrets, no surprises, no omissions of information by sheer silence and no lies.  In the meantime I will have to ruminate over the little white lie of the baby blanket!