This pirate ship was the key to bedtime success.  Marks little eyes drooped closed while watching it drift in the night.  He is now in his own room.  Do you hear a big sigh from his Mommy and the breaking of his Daddy's heart?

As I recently posted we have been challenged with getting Mark to sleep in his own bed.  The first year and a half home he needed the crib.  As soon as we changed his room to a single bed he decided that he needed to sleep with Mommy.  Alas I had to move into the guest room so Daddy could get a good night's sleep for work.  After a year of sleeping with a squirrel running up and down her back at night, Momma was thrilled to hear Mark say he wanted to sleep with Daddy.  So for the past year Mark has slept with Daddy in the big queen bed in the master bedroom.  Momma has camped out in the guest room.  The arrangement worked for this family of two working parents.  You quickly learn with children that you do whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep.  One can argue the right or the wrong of having children sleep in the "family bed" forever.  Opinions are all over the place on this subject.  Some adhere to the strict theory that they will get used to it in a few nights while others suggest that a more relaxed attitude is appropriate.  In the end you go with your gut feeling.  For us our little fella needed that security and comfort.  If he needed it than we would provide it.  The great thing about parenting at our age is that you accept that family life is not about us anymore.  We simply set up a system that worked for everyone.  So as recently posted, Momma changed up Mark's room theme to add the much loved Bob the Builder.  A bit of boarder, a new blanket, Bob sheets and ta da!...here's Bob.  Mark loved it!  Did he sleep in his bed...well no.  He loved to play there and jump on the bed and pretend sleep but his actual night sleep was still with Daddy.  I decided that next to Bob the Builder, Mark loved pirates and so hung a pirate ship kite in his bedroom.  The furnace vent makes it "sail" back and forth gently when the fan starts up.  Mesmerizing to watch. 

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the pirate ship was the key to night time success.  Mark loved his ship and announced that he wanted to sleep in his own room.  He was worried that Daddy would miss him and so offered to spend the weekends with him in the big bed.  The last two nights Mark has slept in his own room, alone, with the door open and the desk lamp on.  Ah the sweet success of gentle parenting.  No trauma.  No drama.  No unhappy child.  Mark decided it was time to go to his own room. 


Daddy?  Well he is still traumatized!  How do you let go of your little bed buddy?  Gone are the nights of watching your child sleep restfully, chest rising and gently falling.  Smiling in the dark as he is laughing in his dreams.  Gone the pillow conversations of wonderful imaginary adventures.  Where are we going to go tonight Mark?  Gone the nights of stressfully reaching out to feel his skin to assess his fever.  No longer the opportunity to lay awake just staring at this wonderful miracle of your son.  For every inch forward you grieve what is over.  Don't worry Daddy...Momma will be moving back into the master bedroom to keep you company.  We can cling to each other and sigh over what used to be.  The pure joy of it all.  Parenting holds such joy and yet also the angst of what used to be.