This is a photo of one of the largest trees in our woods.  Tyler and I hiked over to it on Thanksgiving weekend to have a better look.  What an amazing tree!  We are undecided what type of tree it is but it may be a black poplar hybrid.  Tyler took this photo and I am so glad he did because it matches my mood.  Standing beside this tree you feel so small and you realize that it's life started way before your own.  I wonder how long this tree has stood here growing tall and strong and so incredibly straight.  I am sure that it has been buffeted by many storms and yet it continues to reach towards the heavens knowing that its strength comes from the light above.  This is how I am feeling right now.  A while back I was able to post that we had completed the paperwork and had finally gotten the Ministry of Children and Family services approval to adopt from Vietnam.  The joy and excitement that we had knowing that we would soon be able to send off our file to look for a sibling for Mark has been shattered by a rather cruel and needless twist of fate.  Our agency Children's Bridge has informed us that they are shutting the Vietnam program down.  I will not go into the reasons here but will share that the decision was made without regard for how it affected this family.  They chose to close the door in our face but could have closed it behind us instead.  I have had to wrestle with the injustice of it and am riding a flood of emotions from inner rage and anger to despair.  It has been a very difficult time for us and I have tried to maintain a sense of composure while suffering this inner turmoil.  It is during these times that I reflect on what I have and how blessed I have been in life.  One's natural reaction is to rage at the Almighty and demand an answer for why after a whole year of paperwork and forms, followed by medical examinations, letters of referrals from friends, financial statements and thousands of dollars it has come to this.  I will likely never know the answer this side of heaven but find myself now looking up and wondering what next?  Like this almighty tree I have to look up towards the light and wait patiently for the answer.  I find this part of adoption very difficult.  Waiting, waiting, waiting...all the while yearning for direction.  Do we just give up?  Do we go down other roads?  Are we meant to just have Mark.  We continue to be a "foster to adopt" family for Elgin Family and Children's Services.  We have notified the Aboriginal Band at Ohsweken that we are interested in adoption.  We have contacted the Ministry of Family Services in Nunavut that we are available as prospective parents to adopt from the north.  All of these paths are a long and winding road with no certain outcome.  The most popular route is a private adoption that is arranged by a mother who wants to voluntarily surrender a child and picks us to parent.  The problem with that course is who is this mother and how would she find us?  Needless to say it leaves me wondering if Mark will ever have a sibling.  So now I sit and look to the heavens and say "Hello...its me again...can you send me an answer"...